Conventional wisdom tells us we should eagerly embrace every opportunity that comes our way, but playing a little hard to get has its advantages.<\/p>\n
Back in college, I was always the first to raise my hand in class\u00a0(<\/em>a behavior that didn\u2019t win me many friends, let me tell you). Now as a freelance writer, I\u2019m no stranger to that same overeagerness when it comes to work \u2014 translated in prompt replies and more than the occasional emoji. Emails, tweets, Slack messages \u2014 you name it \u2014 being affable and amenable is kind of my thing.<\/p>\n And while conventional wisdom tells us we should eagerly embrace every opportunity that comes our way, playing a little hard to get has its advantages.<\/p>\n Study after study has shown that opportunities are seen to be\u00a0more valuable as they become less available<\/a>, meaning that people want more of what they can\u2019t have, according to Robert Cialdini, a leading expert on influence and the author of \u201cPre-Suasion: A Revolutionary Way to Influence and Persuade<\/a>.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat the\u00a0scarcity principle<\/a>\u00a0says is that people are more attracted to those options or opportunities that are rare, unique or dwindling in availability,\u201d Dr. Cialdini said. The reason behind this idea has to do with the psychology of\u00a0\u201creactance<\/a>\u201d: Essentially, when we think something is limited to us, we tend to want it more.<\/p>\n Luckily for us, according to experts, it\u2019s possible to harness this concept and increase our appeal in things like negotiations and career advancement. So if you find yourself becoming overzealous over every little opportunity that comes your way, here are a few ways to keep things in balance:<\/p>\n Appearing readily available can work against you, according to\u00a0Jeremy Nicholson<\/a>, a social psychologist who focuses on decision-making, social influence and relationship dynamics. This comes down to economics \u2014 if you\u2019re in low supply and high demand, you\u2019re worth more.<\/p>\n Think about it this way: If you\u2019re overly excited about a work opportunity, that might communicate that you are in low demand. All the more reason to play it cool. Making something harder to get, Dr. Nicholson said, \u201ctends to increase at least the perception of the value, if not its actual value.\u201d<\/p>\n Part of making this work means keeping your enthusiasm in check.<\/p>\n \u201cOvereagerness can be a sign of na\u00efvet\u00e9 or sound like plain desperation,\u201d said John Lees, a Britain-based career strategist and the author of \u201cHow to Get a Job You Love<\/a>.\u201d<\/p>\n When it comes to things like compensation negotiations, be clear that you are really interested in finding out more about the opportunity, Mr. Lees suggests, but give a sense that you are aware of your skills and your market value.<\/p>\n If you find yourself approached by hiring managers or potential clients, Dr. Nicholson recommends responding in a way that respects their interest without coming across as too eager. In other words, \u201cYou\u2019re selective with who you work with, but you would consider working with or for them.\u201d<\/p>\n Be confident and assertive, Dr. Nicholson advises, with responses like: \u201cWell, I do have a couple of other projects that I\u2019m working on. However, I could prioritize this for you if you want.\u201d By being selectively interested, you\u2019re not being so hard to get that you insult the person who is seeking a relationship with you, he said, but rather letting them know that you have options. \u201cPlus, you\u2019re prioritizing them because they\u2019re valuable to you as well.\u201d<\/p>\n And if you are still nervous about appearing overzealous, give yourself time to recalibrate before answering an email or hopping on the phone.<\/p>\n Better yet: Get physical. Taking a moment to go on a walk has been\u00a0shown<\/a>\u00a0to lower stress and boost your well-being. This allows your brain to quiet a little, said Liz Ryan, founder of\u00a0Human Workplace<\/a>\u00a0and the author of \u201cReinvention Roadmap: Break the Rules to Get the Job You Want and Career You Deserve.<\/em>\u201d\u00a0<\/em>The point here is to decrease your anxiety so you can focus on the negotiation at hand.<\/p>\n It\u2019s easy to become excited when an unexpected opportunity presents itself, Ms. Ryan said, but remember that your power in any negotiation is related to your ability to walk away.<\/p>\n Once you have interest, channel that into due diligence, Mr. Lees said. \u201cResearch the organization as if you were going to invest half your life savings in it,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n It\u2019s also important to continually check in with your gut, Ms. Ryan added, and remember: Don\u2019t accept an offer before fully considering the terms. Playing hard to get can feel scary because you may really need the money, \u201cbut no one will value you more highly than you value yourself,\u201d she said. Sometimes it\u2019s a matter of giving yourself the space to calm down and evaluate.<\/p>\n Ms. Ryan recommends asking a lot of questions, reading up on the organization from third-party perspectives, and checking out job-search websites like\u00a0glassdoor.com<\/a>\u00a0to see what employees and ex-employees say about it. Keep in mind: The goal is to approach any negotiation cautiously and with a clear head.<\/p>\n Not only should we do our homework in the moment, Dr. Cialdini said, we should also be continually assessing our market worth, \u201cso that if an unexpected opportunity comes up, you don\u2019t have to rush and do a slack job on this crucial factor.\u201d<\/p>\n Keep an updated spreadsheet on hand with a list of your skills and achievements so you can quickly review it when you have an offer. You also have to know how much to charge for your services beforehand. Ms. Ryan suggests using tools like\u00a0salary.com<\/a>,\u00a0paysa.com<\/a>\u00a0andpayscale.com to figure out what others like you get paid in your ZIP code.<\/a><\/p>\n The idea is to plan ahead so you\u2019re not scrambling in the moment. Having a firm understanding of how much your skills are worth will allow you to not rush after every opportunity that arises (and yes, this includes hasty email responses).<\/p>\n Recognizing that there are unlimited possibilities can give you the security and confidence you need to create successful outcomes. \u201cA lot of people that make decisions based on fear are people that are playing small versus thinking big,\u201d said Caroline Castrillon, a business coach and the founder of\u00a0Corporate Escape Artist<\/a>. Negative thoughts can become self-fulfilling prophecies if you say them to yourself enough, she added.<\/p>\n Try reappraising negative self-talk by noticing when it leads to thoughts of failure. Do you imagine losing out on future opportunities if you don\u2019t eagerly accept the ones that are in front of you? As a freelance writer, I\u2019ve often fallen into the trap of taking on too many assignments for fear that saying \u201cno\u201d would limit my options later on.<\/p>\n But according to Dr. Nicholson, we need to reframe how we use scarcity and abundance in our own head before we can apply it outwardly. When you worry about all the things you\u2019re going to lose out on if you don\u2019t take a particular opportunity, you\u2019re using the scarcity mind-set on yourself rather than as a persuasion strategy, he said. \u201cYou\u2019re at a real disadvantage mentally.\u201d<\/p>\n Most people tend to tell prospective employers or clients \u201call the wonderful things they can and are going to do for them,\u201d Dr. Nicholson said, adding, \u201cThat\u2019s an abundance mind-set for\u00a0them<\/em>,\u201d whereas your own inner dialogue might be full of insecurity. \u201cSo it\u2019s about flipping it around,\u201d he said, \u201cand coming at it from the perspective of abundance from inside of one\u2019s self.\u201d<\/p>\n Ultimately, appearing less available isn\u2019t about limiting our enthusiasm or being\u00a0unnecessarily hard on ourselves<\/a>. It\u2019s about trusting in our own self-worth so we can be proactive, experts say. This means mindfully aligning our excitement into strategy.<\/p>\n \u201cEmphasizing the uniqueness of your resources and your collaborative approach can help you more quickly advance your goals,\u201d said Shirli Kopelman, a professor at the Ross School of Business at the University of Michigan and the author of\u00a0\u201cNegotiating Genuinely: Being Yourself in Business<\/a>,\u201d who views emotions as a resource in negotiation.<\/p>\n Part of training ourselves to think differently, Ms. Castrillon said, is regularly stepping outside our comfort zone (and holding off on sending all those overeager replies). Pushing yourself beyond what you think you can do is a good way to train yourself to see possibilities, she added.<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s basically a mind-set that if this doesn\u2019t work out,\u201d she said, \u201cthere\u2019s something even better right around the corner.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\nBe less eager<\/h2>\n
Don\u2019t jump the gun<\/h2>\n
Know your market value<\/h2>\n
Adopt an abundance mind-set<\/h2>\n
Trust the process<\/h2>\n